I Remember Everything.

Nights like this are super helpful to remember why I love music so much. Music speaks, talks to you. It’s a diary of emotions, a photo album of a specific time of your life, whether it’s music you wrote or somebody else’s.

Tonight I’m listening to this song

“Black Heart” is a song originally written by my friend Gerardo Konte although its original name was “Kuorenero”, more or less the Italian translation. I was the bassist of The Nine Tears during that time and Gerardo was (and still is) the keyboard player.

It was the Autumn 2012 when we recorded that song. I was living in Canada and my life was incredibly busy under all aspects. In retrospective, I have a sort of romantic feeling towards a time of my life where I was almost completely alone but somehow I did manage to do everything I needed to live. It was my world, my everything.

It’s funny because when you are on the other side of the world, people usually think that you’re having a hard time because you are alone. First of all it’s not necessarily true, people meet and befriend people all the time. Secondly, I’d say that in my life most of the time I felt more alone when I was *with* people than by myself. I detach from this definition a group of people that have been and/or are very important to me, they know who they are.

“Black Heart” was the soundtrack for a lot of emotions that made me scary. I was afraid of the future, of what was growing back then, of the unknown. I remember melancholy mixed with confidence, sometimes they used to overlap. It’s a very strange feeling for Europeans. It’s something that I experienced only in the North American small town life, where life is completely different from Europe, yet it doesn’t swallow you. It kind of sticks to you and shapes out on your habits, but slowly changes you. I was afraid of the winter that was coming, I was afraid of the distance. I was afraid of one particular situation that was kind of eating me alive though.

“Black Heart” was the soundtrack for all this crap.

I remember sitting outside the workplace, next to the river, listening to the song on my iPod and feeling every word of the chorus: You killed all of my dreams with your black heart.

Tonight I sat on the balcony, took the same iPod and listened to the song again, because I’m experiencing something similar now and I recalled that situation of four years ago.

I remember everything.

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